Top Ten Misnomers in Sports

10) Pool

Ok, most experts of the sport calls it billiards or snookers or 8-ball… Despite that, the word “pool” is one of the dumbest misnomers in sports.

What it should be called: Cueball or Stickball. I admit it is not the most sophisticated-sounding name, but give it a few decades and it’ll sound alright.

9) Free Throw (Basketball)

It is becoming more and more clear that a free throw in basketball is anything but free. Attempting a free throw is like playing an I-AA team in college football, nothing to gain and everything to lose. Everyone can recall the worst free throw shooters like Shaq and Wilt, but who remembers the greatest free throw shooter of all time Calvin Murphy?

What it should be called:Touchdown Dance of the NBA. Let’s face it, not everyone do it, but you know the ones who do; Karl Malone with his mumbling, Jason Kidd with his gay kiss, Rip Hamilton with the side-dribble. It’s turning into a celebration much like in the NFL except they do it before they score!

8) Football (American)

This has to be the most confusing misnomer for foreigners other than Canadians. I mean, most players don’t even use their feet! And the ones who do (kickers and punters), aren’t gellin’ like the rest of the team.

What it should be called: Yardball. This name would be perfect due to the yard markings on the field. Or how about Bowlball? Essentially, they’re playing for the bowl, which is a misnomer in it self because the only thing I think of when it comes to bowls is one with rice in it.

7) Love (Tennis)

Only the French could make something so bad sound so appeasing to the ear. Probably some French dude got beaten so bad that he got tired of hearing nip, nill, nothing, zero, goose egg, nada, that he decides he’s playing for the “love” of the game.

What it should be called: Sorry for the lack of imagination, but how about calling it “Nothing” instead.

6) Albatross (Golf)

The origin of the word “birdie” dates back to the 1800s when it means “cool”. Sticking to the bird-related scoring theme, a two under par is called “eagle”. Ok, makes sense there since an eagle can kick a birdie’s ass any day. But then cames albatross. What the hell is an albatross anyways? All I know is it’s got some feathers and a beak. Looking at the picture below, don’t tell me that thing would destroy an eagle.

What it should be called: Falwk. The feat of shooting two strokes under par should be something bigger, faster, more ferocious than an eagle. There aren’t many birds that fit the bill, so I think the perfect name should be….falwk, the mix between a falcon and a hawk!!! Yeah, just use your imagination. A falwk, with a ten-foot wing span, six-inch beak, and razor sharp talons, just tearing the eagle into shreds!!! I can picture it right now from the announcers, “…and the play of the day belongs to Ernie Els with a falwk on eight…”

http://www.taieri.co.nz/photos/albatross.jpg

5) World Series (Baseball)

The World Cup is an even featuring 32 teams from six continents. The World Series of Poker features the best poker players representing different countries. Basically, any sporting event with a “world” in it is exactly that, an international event except for Major League Baseball. Which ever bombastic bastard decided to label the championship series of baseball in America “The World Series”. No wonder why foreigners hate Americans so much.

What it should be called: World Flavored Series, or simply WFS. Although the MLB finals don’t represent other countries, you can bet there are players from Japan, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Cuba, Korea, Mexico and other countries. So this would be the most fitting name.

4) Shortstop (Baseball)

This name does not fit into the rest of the baseball position names at all. Furthermore, it doesn’t make any sense from either the fielder’s point of view or the batter’s point of view. First if you are a fielder, the second baseman has the shortest throw to the first baseman. From a batter’s point of view, the corners are at the shortest distances from you.

So I heard the origin of the word shortstop came from when the game was first played in the mid-1800s. The shortstop would be the only infielder on the infield grass, fielding balls that die in the un-cured infield lawn. Since then, the third baseman has taken up that responsibility while the shortstop moved back into the hole as the infield got faster and balls hit harder. Today, the shortstop is usually the farthest infielder from the batter (for right handed batters). How ironic.

What it should be called: Left Second Base One should not tinker with tradition, but with the Rose Bowl no longer Pac10-Big10, inter-league baseball, the forward pass, the three point shot, the designated hitter, the bullpen, and so many other things, changing a name isn’t that big of a deal. Every other position in baseball makes sense and so should the shortstop. Let’s change the shortstop and second base to left second and right second respectively. It’s a technical name, but it’ll mix right in with positions such as catcher, left field, right field, etc…

3) Water Polo

Where are the sea horses? If polo is a sport played by striking a ball with a club into a net while on horseback, then water polo should be a sport of the same nature, but there are no clubs and definitely no dolphin-riding action.

What it should be called: Fockerball. Remember the scene in Meet the Parents when Gaylord Focker slams the volleyball into the face of his girlfriend’s sister? That is my worst phobia about playing water polo, having someone nail me in the face with the ball. So in honor of the movie, that’s the name it should get, fockerball.

2) Iron Man

A man of iron would sink and rust right off the bat in the Iron Man Competition. Iron is used to describe the toughness of the athletes, but you don’t hear people called Bronze Man 4000 years ago, or Titanium Man today. When I hear Iron Man, I think of the watch, or some ridiculous, non-human looking zombie figure gasping for air while overheating like my 1991 Celica.

What it should be called: Human-Machino Contest. Basically that’s what those athletes are, human machines. They are machines in that they seem not to feel pain and stress, going hours and hours of physical torture. I’m still wondering why Lance Armstrong is considered the greatest athlete today when this should be the ultimate test for an athlete.

1) Great Outdoors Games

At last, we come to my last and favorite misnomer, the Great Outdoors Games. When ESPN first aired the Outdoors Games, I thought it was the basic archery, shooting, fishing, and Frisbees. I was partially correct; however, I didn’t expect some 200-pound dyke maneuvering a 10-feet single buck saw right after chopping the hell out of a piece of wood with an axe, or some dude climbing a poll with spiked shoes, or dogs doing the Superman off of piers, or hot chicks running on logs floating on water (my favorite event). Is this what normal people do in the great outdoors?

What it should be called: The Redneck Games. This is like the Olympics for rednecks. All the contestants are from Texas, New Zealand, or one of the Appalachian states. That should be a sign in itself. Who else other than rednecks would consider shooting stuff and chopping stuff as fun? I can see drunk farmers trying to emulate this in their backyard only to sever fingers and toes in the process.